PictureDate Night (Halloween)
 I have always been somewhat of a Pollyanna but equally so I have always been the one to point out when there is an elephant in the room. It is as if  I have to point out what is not working in order to get back to the business of positive living. Those of you who have been following the blog know The Cowboy was in a serious accident at work last year. As time has gone on, we are rapidly facing life has changed for us... radically. 

Last week I looked up and him and stated " It's like an arranged marriage..that I arranged." I'm finding we are having to adjust to this journey called marriage once again. I think every marriage goes through ups and downs, but honestly, a head injury and personality changes are not something in which I have found much support on. We both laughed at my statement, as we attempt to keep a sense of humor in this situation. Laughing with each other has always been something we are good at... at least there are some constants in life. 

When we speak to the physicians, counselors and myriad of other professionals, I find they are ill equipped to offer us much more than a sympathetic look, and agreement that "this just sucks." I am told over and over how lucky we are to have him still with us and how blessed he is to have me as his wife.

I just want to have a good ol' southern tizzy. I want to have a break down right here, kick my feet... and gasp...maybe throw something?!  I have too many people counting on me to allow much more than a moment of  feeling sorry for myself.  This must be an "acceptable way" to deal with these stresses as I get a nod of approval from everyone and isn't that what we southern girls live for?

 I really just want to ask if in their years of schooling they were ever taught anything other than writing a prescription? Or maybe what I really want is a prescription for this ...something to mask all the struggle and pain our family is dealing with at this time. I don't want their sympathetic looks. I want my husband back. I can imagine facing families dealing with losses can be one of the hardest parts of being in the medical field, so in my understanding,  I just nod and smile and let them " off the hook."

The other day, Lil' Bit had a writing assignment for English. She had me proof read her essay. It was on her family's struggle with her dad's injury, and the aftermath of his accident. She spoke how sometimes it feels as if she lost her dad and there is someone here in his place. Though she struggles with it, she is secure in the fact she will always be his little girl. I smile and I at least feel secure in that we must be giving our kids pretty good coping skills. 

So for all the moments I miss... the dancing in the kitchen, going for walks, date night every few weeks, we struggle to find moments of connection in new ways. Sitting in the sunshine enjoying the chickens and goats, seeing if we can make it just a little further down the driveway each time we walk, listening to the rain hit the roof.  As the brain must rewire itself after a serious injury, sometimes, so must a family. I'm just holding out for this dark night to fade into a new dawn... I think my biggest fear is that it won't. As we face those fears, we come to a newer understanding of life and family. They say the truth will set you free. They never promised it would be easy. This is life... for better or worse. 


 


Comments

Cathy
05/20/2013 13:32

My heart goes out to you & your family. My husband & I have been married 34 yrs...he started into Dementia about 10 yrs ago. It runs in his family, he has been tested , appears he got a double whammy of the worst type. So I do understand what you mean by changed personalities.
I wish you many blessings on your journey..., as it is a journey. You might want to check out Dr.Amen, who is a Dr. that deals with brain issues..he has a website. http://www.amenclinics.com/
Being kind to each other, is my best advice. {{HUGS}}

Reply
06/03/2013 05:39

Big, heartfelt hugs xx
I had a head injury aged 17 when I came off my motorbike. I was left with undiagnosed concussion for 18 months afterwards which was appalling for my family, and very scary and isolating for myself. Luckily, after months of walking on eggshells, my Mum finally snapped and took me to a shrink. During a 5 hour appointment, they explained what had happened to my brain and my body, and somehow I came out of that appointment my old self. It was as if they'd flicked a switch in me. I came home and called all my friends and apologised for my behaviour over the past year or so.
I know how lucky I am, and I wish with all my heart that your husband and family can have a similar happy ending/beginning.
Janie x

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