They say letting go is never easy. I have always wondered who "they" is but I am finding this true in some areas of my life. The most glaringly obvious place letting go comes difficult to me is with these kids flying the nest. It is truly a painful process ...more difficult with some kids than others. This move off the farm seems to be magnifying my feelings. I want to light some bridges afire and shout to the world "Ha...look...that is one bridge I NEVER want to cross again" and in other ways I am clinging to dear life for each moment I have left. 

I had to help my sweet cowboy man start cleaning out our shop. Letting go of my little store and coffee shop has been painful. We put a lot of love and work into it, but I am just going to have faith Ill have the opportunity to open one down in Wyoming. :) Each one of us are sacrificing something to make this move. 

Last week my husband's Ms Sweet Olivia went in to labor without him here. I am afraid I am not much help in the farrowing department. I went up and talked and comforted her ...but she really struggled this time. For some unknown reason her placenta separated and delivered too soon and she lost 4 piglets. She spent the next few days not feeling so hot. 

After a couple of days, when it was apparent she was still struggling, my MIL and her friend who has experience in "pig matters" decided it would be prudent to take a "feel" and make sure no more piglets were left inside. So, they came a knocking on MY door? This is one of those moments I want to say WTF? (I didn't...at least not out loud!) We trudged up to the barn through the melting mud and muck. 

The ladies had rubber gloves, KY Jelly, disinfectant, and towels. The task was described in great detail with the warning "If she stands up...get your arm out of there quick as it could get broken" Huh?!!  After I made it abundantly clear I would not be acting as "vet"  but would indeed cheer anyone on who wanted to do this task;  through threats the vet would be expensive and still holding my ground, my MIL decided she loved her son enough to accomplish the task...bless her (heart). I have to say it was an experience which still turns my stomach, and all was well in the end. Pig husbandry might be one of those bridges Ill be thankful is behind us :)

We are rapidly finding wonderful homes for our animal friends and not without a little grieving. Every time Ms Olivia has babies, I attach human emotions to it. I wonder if she grieves when her babies are sent off to other farms? I wonder at all of life and how everything seems to be a process of letting go. I just have to remind myself that after the rain comes an opportunity for the rainbow. This may be a thunder storm of our own choosing, but it hasn't been easy to say goodbye and let go of the way of life we have enjoyed for the last 12 years and with the possible opportunity of renting a farm house in our new area I am confident we will still be able to enjoy our way of life. 


Being one who must look forward and to the positive possibilities in life...here is to the expectation of Rainbows in life!